Content warning: Several mentions of spiders; a character goes missing in a supernatural context.
With Thanks To: Victoria, Cliff, Abani, and Thomas;
And Many Apologies As Well
The following is entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real persons or other real-life entities is purely coincidental.
| Bebermany Finch (@betonthefinch) I finished my first draft of STARS FALL, KEEP DRIVING!! 🌠🚚 #writer #novel #booktok Now, to go back and fill in all of the gaps sdofnjzgrfslkod;FsdDFJLKDSFGOfg 50 replies 769 likes this could be the (star)t of something (@blackholegalaxy__) dude I think they just got swallowed by their own plot holes 5 replies 21 likes a leaf on a tree (@lost.my.train.of.thought) @passwordbotcheck would it make a good password? 5 replies 9 likes Password Bot Checker (@passwordbotcheck) Password rating: Strong ✅ 2 replies 12 likes |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) found MORE spiders in the house and @lets_go_to_the_beach_125 has done nothing about it! now whom’s “the responsible one” [Image: Hand motioning at a giant spider on the floor of a room. Each side of the room has a window with heavy curtains. In the background, Sandy Zhu – 20s, in a green polo shirt – sits scrolling on a phone.] 2 replies 1 like Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@lets_go_to_the_beach_125) I like spiders. Also, incorrect usage of “whom”. Fool behavior at its finest linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) ur my least favorite sibling >:( Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@lets_go_to_the_beach_125) ^your only sibling 🙂 brian!! (@buttonmash_b) i wouldn’t worry about it linda! maybe it’s looking for a home |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) oh and happy birthday @lets_go_to_the_beach_125 🎉🎉 congrats on being OLD 2 replies 5 likes Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@lets_go_to_the_beach_125) Thank you, much appreciated. |
| Sandy Zhu To: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| hey |
| just so you know |
| you aren’t allowed to have a YA urban fantasy novel journey without me ok |
| What are you talking about? I’m opening a bakery |
| oh cool |
| make sure you have some of those lemon poppyseed muffins on opening |
| those are my favorite |
| So sorry! My distributor said they’re all out of lemons and poppyseed 🙁 It looks like we’ll have to go without for a few weeks! |
| why do you live to spite me |
| 😀 |
| Sandy ZhuTo: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| sandy | |
| sandy | |
| sandy |
| What? I’m baking |
| [Image: Kneeling stick figure with tears streaming down their face. Caption: “did you know spiders have eight legs”.] |
| did you know spiders have eight legs | |
| Read: 45 minutes ago |
| alas, tough crowd |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) call me penelope i’m weaving my tapestry by day and undoing the threads by night [Image: Hand holding a window curtain, carefully undoing the threads. In the corner of the photo, several spiders can be spotted.] 2 replies 7 likes Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@lets_go_to_the_beach_125) Linda please stop doing this to the curtains, we’re going to run out and you KNOW Dad is sensitive to sunlight linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @lets_go_to_the_beach_125 quoth the raven shut the brick brack up |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) nothing can stop me now [Image: Linda stands in a room with windows on all sides, holding handfuls of threads in her hands. All the curtains have been torn off the windows. Sunlight streams in.] 2 replies 10 likes brian!! (@buttonmash_b) what are you going to do with all the threads? linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @buttonmash_b crochet a giant spider, thanks |
| Sandy Zhu To: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| Hey Linda have you noticed anything. strange. lately? |
| Like idk… developing psychic powers or something 😛 ? |
| yeah, I can control electromagnetic waves but only to turn crosswalk lights on when I’m running late to class |
| Oh |
| Nice |
| That seems much more useful than mine |
| wait I was kidding |
| what do you mean by “developing psychic powers” |
| Haha the sweet buns are burning I’ll catch you later ok!! |
| ??? |
| Sandy Zhu To: Penny Preston (more like PESTon 🦟) > |
| [Image: Screenshot of a very blurry post of someone sitting on top of a street light with their laptop open. Caption of the post reads: “New Cryptid In Downtown Twineton?” The account handle is Spam Twineton Times (@faketwinetontimes).] |
| Twineton’s very own friendly neighborhood spiderman? 👀 |
| Take this post down IMMEDIATELY |
| Can you confirm or deny that you, Sandy Zhu, are in fact the Spider Man of this town |
| No |
| That wasn’t one of the answer choices 😮 |
| Aren’t you supposed to have journalistic integrity? Why are you posting on a spam account for the newspaper you’re interning for? |
| 😳 |
| I assure you, this establishment is of the UTMOST quality, and we are dedicated to publishing only the most ACCURATE of news in our fine town of Twineton |
| 🤨 Right |
| Twineton Times 🗞️ (@twinetontimes): 📍 TWINETON, MN: Twineton Times Pastry Report: New Bakery Is The Bee’s Knees 🐝🧎 Look no further for confectionery creations and sugary sensations than the Bee’s Knees Bakery – sure to be the next big buzz in downtown Twineton! Plus, their brioche is fantastic. 😋 8 replies 34 likes linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) this was written by your news intern wasn’t it Twineton Times 🗞️ (@twinetontimes): @litany.zhu Twineton Times will neither confirm nor deny this statement! 😁 |
| Sandy ZhuTo: Penny Preston (more like PESTon 🦟) > |
| I formally accept your apology |
| You didn’t hear this, but I may or may not have blueberry matcha crepe cake in the shop tomorrow |
| ❤️😁 |
| My fave |
| Yeah I know (: |
| Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝 📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery):New account for local bakery in Twineton, MN specializing in homemade baked goods! Follow for more pastries, updates, and baking behind-the-scenes! 7 replies 23 likes Penny for your thoughts? (@prestopreztels) Love this place! Great ambience and great owner 🤩 linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) omg shop local support small businesses save the bees and their knees !!! brian!! (@buttonmash_b) woahhh this is so exciting! happy for you @sandy_zhu ! Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@sandy_zhu) Thanks for the support everyone! Means a lot 🙂 Stop by for a pastry! |
| Sandy Zhu To: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| sandy i’m so proud of you |
| Thanks 🙂 It was a risk, but I think ultimately will be worth it |
| *wipes tears from eyes* you finally changed your username! | |
| Read: 3 hours ago |
| tough crowd, huh |
| Crafty Crafting Crafts (@somecraftshop): GO YARN OR GO HOME 🧶 50% sale on all yarn and crochet materials! Repost, comment THREADS below, and tag a friend for a chance to win a super size knit kit! 475 replies 692 likes linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) THREADS @bees_knees_bakery Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @litany.zhu Why did you tag my work account linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @bees_knees_bakery i need to win this okay linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @bees_knees_bakery and you said you were good at multitasking! Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @litany.zhu This does not beget further comment. |
| Twineton Times 🗞️ (@twinetontimes): EDITORS’ PICK 📖: Best New Fiction For This Summer! 📚 Our editors recommend Bebermany Finch’s STARS FALL, KEEP DRIVING for a cruise through interstellar space, complete with mini donuts, road trip music, and mail that keeps getting lost in transit! ⭐ 34 replies 79 likes Penny for your thoughts? (@prestopreztels) Excited for Finch’s debut! I’ve been following them for a couple of years, they’re super talented! Can’t wait! 😁🗓️ Concerned Fan #2 (@what_did_you_say_again) Has anyone heard from @betonthefinch since January? They haven’t posted in the last 5 months, I’m kind of concerned… linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @what_did_you_say_again it’s just a hiatus you ignoramus |
| Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): Hi everyone! To celebrate 2 months since Bee’s Knees Bakery’s opening, we’re doing a Q&A 🙂 Comment your questions below! 40 replies 53 likes brian!! (@buttonmash_b) what’s your favorite bread to bake? 🙂 Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @buttonmash_b Brioche. Penny for your thoughts? (@prestopreztels) What made you decide to start baking? 🤔 Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @prestopreztels I got bored one day. So I decided to put everything onto a bagel. linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @bees_knees_bakery what would you do if I stole all your kneecaps? Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @litany.zhu Haha, you could try 🙂 linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @bees_knees_bakery what does this mean Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@sandy_zhu) @litany.zhu You didn’t know? Bees don’t have kneecaps. Fool behavior at its finest this could be the (star)t of something (@blackholegalaxy__): can you confirm or deny allegations that your bakery is frequented by actual vampires Bee’s Knees Bakery 🐝📍Twineton (@bees_knees_bakery): @blackholegalaxy__ No. this could be the (star)t of something (@blackholegalaxy__): @bees_knees_bakery that wasn’t one of the choices … ? |
| Sandy Zhu To: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| HHHH when i said i would choose super strength over flight |
| i take it back |
| all my crochet hooks are breaking |
| how am i supposed to crochet now |
| … Buy more crochet hooks? |
| And what would you do if you /could/ fly? Crochet in the sky? |
| just imagine the possibilities, sandy |
| fiber arts in the vast blue sky… crocheting trails of thread behind me… |
| It’d be cold up there anyway. Hard to crochet with freezing fingers |
| yeah, i guess you’re right |
| wait. you believe me??? |
| And? |
| 👁️👄👁️ |
| ok spill |
| what are your super powers |
| Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) i am a force of nature unstoppable unpredictable i am right behind you saying hello, what are you going to do now huh??? [Image: Tracking for an online order of 50 crochet hooks.] 2 replies 7 likes brian!! (@buttonmash_b) girl are u ok linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) yeah i’m gravy how ar eyou |
| Linda Zhu To: brian > |
| okay what’s up. |
| hoo boy i am SO glad you asked |
| [Call Ended: 3:42:56] |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) i am a creature of despair [Image: 50 crochet hooks, snapped in half. Beside them, spools and spools of thread.] 2 replies 5 likes brian!! (@buttonmash_b) at least now you can open the pickle jar at parties? linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) oh, but at what cost |
| Sandy Zhu To: Linda ☹️ (Sibling) > |
| Happy birthday! |
| [Image: Front counter of Bee’s Knees Bakery. Box of lemon poppyseed muffins, wrapped neatly with a bow. A card on top is addressed to “LINDA”.] |
| AHHHHH SANDY!!!! |
| THANK YOU !!!!! |
| <3<3<3 |
| YOU’RE THE BEST EVER |
| Yeah, I know (: |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) yes the god of craft goods is real and they are a spider who spins yarn. I met them last night and they gave me a crochet hook 2 replies 10 likes Sandy Zhu (she/her) (@sandy_zhu) This is what you get for eating fifteen lemon poppyseed muffins yesterday. FIFTEEN. linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) and i would do it again, IN A HEARTBEAT |
| Thread For The Needle (@betonthefinch): I have seen the ends of the earth, the billowing solar winds — looked upon the last breaths of a dying star, the desolate wastelands of galaxies long forgotten, the stellar dust of planets dreaming, yet to be born. I have seen our interconnected lives, twining together in one magnificent tapestry, each of us but a thread in a web of time, space, memories, histories. I have traversed the depths of the ocean, stared beyond that endless horizon with the peculiar feeling that if I looked long enough, I might find meaning in the universe — the elusive answer to that even more elusive question… Or perhaps, I thought, I might lose myself in the peering. To the unknown? No. To the thing within myself — that even more unknowable thing. What I have witnessed you could hardly fathom, dear reader. And yet, I am compelled to try to place it into words, that imperfect container. Do you understand me? Oh, it could never be enough… But one must try, or else what is the undertaking of life? 50 replies 769 likes a leaf on a tree (@lost.my.train.of.thought) How did they post past the 250 character limit? Teach me your ways o wise one 30 likes Bebermany Fan #2 (@what_did_you_say_again) They’re back!!! Glad you’re okay. No clue what this is though 15 likes |
| linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) my magnum opus. behold [Image: Giant crochet spider. It takes up all the space in the room with curtainless windows. Unobstructed sunlight streams in.] 12 replies 30 likes i <3 yarn (@crochet_lover_9590) omg so cool! will you post the pattern? linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @crochet_lover_9590 contractually, the spider said I cannot, but thank you for your support Thread For The Needle (@betonthefinch): So you know as well. So you have seen. linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @betonthefinch bebermany finch??? i’m a huge fan! can i get a signed copy of your book? Thread For The Needle (@betonthefinch): @litany.zhu Listen well, for I will only say this once. Now that you have undone the curtain that hides you from sight, this is what you must do. Find them. The tree, the gourd, the word. A needle knows not what string it threads. When night falls, you know who will answer. When they come, you must be prepared. Be careful. Trust no one. Remember: spiders have eight legs. linda zhu 🥥 (@litany.zhu) @betonthefinch ok got it, thanks. when’s your next book signing? |
| this could be the (star)t of something (@blackholegalaxy__) hey girl you’re so spectacular, is your name hugo? or nebula?17 replies 117 likes a leaf on a tree (@lost.my.train.of.thought)0/10, wrong genre. Try again next year |